Broken Little Person Sitting On A Tree Limb

Ahhh ...the Wacky Road Trip. What better test of manly fortitude, Yankee ingenuity, and tolerance of all manner of breathtakingly repugnant and unidentifiable aromas is there? Version 4.0 of the Wacky Road Trip recently occurred, where a group of us ventured west to visit our good friends 'Alice In Wonderbread' and 'H-Bomb' in the far-off and magical land known as Seattle. Participants in this year's excursion consisted of myself (Broken Little Person) and 3XHAR (under the respective guises of 'Espanto' and 'Mil Mascaras', both of us being the only veterans of every past WRT), Jeem (proudly wearing the banner of 'Jushin Thunder Liger' and making a sophomore appearance after having joined us for the first time on WRTIII), and three (that's right ...THREE!) rookies: 3XHAR's brother 'Bag Man' (of whom the honor and title of 'Senior Rookie' was bestowed upon), 'He Who Shall Have No Name', and 'Super HOTPA' (Translation: He's On The Phone Again?).

 

Wednesday, 07/19

 

4:30PM-5:30PM: Off to the airport to pick up our wondrous and hella-cool method of transport and conveyance (ummm …yeah …by ‘wondrous’ and ‘hella-cool’ I mean the rented minivan) from the friendly folks at one of the better-known national car rental agencies. What should typically be a 15 minute transaction turns into an hour+ excursion into the realm of calm and steadfast negotiation due to the fact that, while our reservation called for unlimited mileage, the contract that was being presented to us provided for 150 miles, with an additional charge applied to each subsequent mile. Seeing as how the round-trip for WRTIV would be in the neighborhood of 4000+ miles, we expressed some slight hesitancy regarding the contract as it was being presented to us.

 

The calm and steadfast negotiation mentioned previously was conducted exclusively by Jeem, who could make friends with a rattlesnake if the situation called for it, and who worked with an ever-changing cast of rental company employees (oh well …I guess 1 out of 3 isn't the worse ratio you can have regarding competence) to ensure that our needs were met and the original agreement was honored. 3XHAR and I were relegated to the far corner of the terminal by Jeem due to the fact that our negotiations typically begin with the opening salvo of "What the f**k?!!". While this may be a time-honored negotiation technique, it (for some unknown reason) sometimes sets an adversarial tone for the proceedings, and as such may negatively impact the outcome.

 

In the final analysis, Jeem's "you can catch more flies with honey" approach proved to be the right course of action (however, we had a pair of beating sticks in reserve just in case the 'honey' proved to be ineffective).

 

6:00PM-8:00PM: Our traditional pre-departure dinner (i.e., ' The Last Supper') with friends who wish to bid us a fond adieu in case we don't return. After all, one never knows what one might encounter on the WRT ...banjo-playing cannibalistic hillbillies, amorous moose, mountain zombies ...the dangers are virtually endless (i.e., without end). 'The Last Supper' provides us with one last teary farewell in the event that we don't return and also enables the significant others of any WRT participants to ensure that the life insurance papers are signed. In addition, in this instance, it provides the opportunity for many of our circle of friends to take notice of the fact that the afore-mentioned (who I reference in the previous blog entry) enchanting young lady is not a figment of my imagination but really is an actual person. In fact, she's 'Alice In Wonderbread's' sister …as such I can turn to Alice, due to that familial connection, to support my contention that I'm not referencing an imaginary friend when I refer to her (and by ‘her’ I mean the enchanting young lady who is Alice’s sister, not that Alice isn’t enchanting as well …just ask her husband). 

 

8:00PM: We bid farewell to our friends who joined us and, in the spirit of camaraderie, fraternity, and fellowship, we proceed to hit the road with a song in our hearts to chase them naughty blues away.

 

8:01PM: A cloud is cast over the spirit of camaraderie, fraternity, and fellowship, as the first internal gaseous expulsion occurs by someone of unidentified personage. I curse the existence of the culprit ...I will have ample opportunity to curse the existence of subsequent culprits many times over before the final mile is logged.

 

9:00PM: The first of the seven Wacky Road Trip Mix CD's is put on and we sing, Sing, SING!!

All together now ...

"I ain't got no panties, I ain't got no panties on.

 

…I ain't got no panties, I ain't got no panties on.

 

…I ain't got no panties on, I ain't got no panties on."

 

Yes, these will become the memories that we'll cherish for the rest of our lives.