Broken Little Person Sitting On A Tree Limb

Friday, 07/21

 

2:00AM (or thereabouts): While winding through the wilds of Montana we spot a light on the distant mountainous horizon …hmmm …wonder what that is? As we get closer we can see that a few of the mountainsides are on fire …hmmm …controlled burn or wildfire? Who knows, but it seems to us (at least to Bag Man, Super HOTPA, and myself) that this presents us with an opportune time to pull over and take some pretty pictures. We proceed to make our case to Jeem (who is driving at the time) and argue that surely this isn't a bad idea.

 

After all, how many chances do you get in this life to snap a few pictures of mountainsides ablaze?

 

…We'll be far enough off the freeway so we don't present a traffic hazard, right?

 

…Come on, what could go wrong?

 

3XHAR, who is fast asleep, says nothing to assist us in our cause.

 

2:01AM: Jeem ignores our pleas and drives on. We snap a few meager pictures from the moving vehicle, muttering under our breaths that if Jeem's lawn back home was ablaze, we just might get some equally pretty pictures …the scheming commences.

 

3:00AM: 'He Who Shall Have No Name' is one of the nicest people we know (although if you listen to his WRTIV Mix CD, you wouldn't think that was the case …good gosh but he's a sick and twisted little fellow). Oh well, it's always the quiet ones …regardless, being as nice as he is he lovingly calls Mrs. He Who Shall Have No Name to wish her a good night. Funny thing though, as noted on the timestamp for this entry, back in Wisconsin it's 3:00 AM. Needless to say, Mrs. He Who Shall Have No Name was already in bed and fast asleep …at least she was until she received the phone call. Sheepish apologies follow.

 

I blame his faux pas on a combination of time zone changes, sleep deprivation, effects from the shingles medication (yes …that's right …shingles medication …but that's another story), and being overcome by the lingering gas that seemed to permeate our very being. Needless to say, once he's off the phone the entertainment value provided to the rest of us by his slight miscalculation lasts for many miles …hilarity ensues.

 

5:30AM: We arrive in the Seattle area …Huzzah! Seeing as it's as early as it is, we don't want to be pounding on our host's door quite yet, so we stop for a quick breakfast.

 

Mmmm …good call! Seattle is known for it's outstanding cuisine, not to mention interesting restaurants that oftentimes have their own special blend of coffee (which is a basic food group for many of us on the WRT). So, knowing that this will be our first Seattle-area meal we want to make this memorable.

 

We stop at Denny's.

 

7:00AM: We arrive at the home of H-Bomb and Alice In Wonderbread …and oh, do we arrive in style.

 

But first, a bit of a preliminary explanation is in order …One year H-B and Alice gave as a holiday gift to the Reverend (another member of our cabal, and a past participant on Wacky Road Trips II and III) a Mexican wrestling mask. This proved to be a very entertaining gift. During one planning session for WRTIV we got on the topic of said Mexican wrestling mask and had the epiphany that, wouldn't it be equally entertaining if we all got Mexican wrestling masks and were wearing them as we arrived at H-B and Alice's residence. The motion was carried and the Mexican wrestling masks were ordered …with the exception of one for He Who Shall Have No Name, who wanted to make his own mask (of the non-Mexican wrestling variety). This resulted in the moniker of 'He Who Shall Have No Name' being bestowed upon his personage.

 

Passing this off as a 'rookie' mistake (rookies …sheesh …what are you going to do with them?), the veterans of WRTIV (namely, 3XHAR, Jeem, and myself) decided that we best take on the responsibility of ensuring that a contingency plan was in place should the seamstress skills of He Who Shall Have No Name fail him. As such, we created a functional (yet stylish) alternative for him in the form of a paper bag with crayon-colored designs and eyeholes cut out …Spiffy!

 

Well, his seamstress skills didn't fail him and he devised an equally spiffy mask for himself (although, it was still of the non-Mexican wrestling variety, so he loses a few points for that). However, having the contingency mask still proved to be an advantageous move, as 3XHAR's brother (who was originally to have the moniker 'Super Muneco') forgot his mask at home. As such, he claimed the contingency mask for himself and proclaimed (through a self-appointed moniker) that he was 'Bag Man'. …But I digress.

 

7:00AM: So anyway, we have these Mexican wrestling masks. Approximately 2 blocks or so from our host's home we pull over and don the masks. The middle-aged gentleman who is walking his two dogs in this vicinity stops and looks at us (in a rather expressionless manner) without saying a word. The dogs bark (with expression).

 

We had laid the groundwork before hand when we called Alice and H-B from the aforementioned Denny's (and in case the question is on anyone's mind …Denny's are the same regardless of where they're located …make of that statement what you will) and asked them to have a camera ready to snap a few pictures upon our arrival (since we wanted to preserve the grand occasion for posterity).

 

3XHAR had printed off the email directions that we'd been provided by them, that indicated that their house was located on the left side of the street that we would be turning on to. However, they had provided a follow-up email that indicated one slight error in the original directions, since their house was actually on the right side of the street. 3XHAR had not printed this revision. As such, we drive past their house and are a bit confused (hey …we'd been on the road for 36 hours …cut us some slack!).

 

While calling them again for clarification, we drive round and round the cul-de-sac that lay at the end of their street. Six guys in a minivan wearing masks, driving round and round and round. I'm surprised Homeland Security wasn't notified. Regardless, we receive the correct location for their house and again ask them to be waiting for us outside with cameras at the ready for our arrival. And oh …how we arrive! With the side doors of the minivan wide open we pull in front of their house and proceed to jump out (masks and all) and bound up to their front stoop in rather manly and heroic manner, capes a-wavin' (oh …that's right …I neglected to mention, we have capes as well …Huzzah!) …hilarity ensues.